R U OK Day for 2021 is fast approaching (September 9).

As an R U OK? Day ambassador, I get excited at the prospect of how much change and awareness one question can make, all across the country.

Leading into this important day on the mental health calendar, I always like to share why I’m so passionate about representing R U OK?.

And this year I wanted to reflect on a story that was shared with me back in June.

The irony around this story is that it isn’t actually in line with the message of R U OK? Day. In fact, the man sharing this story didn’t actually ask … R U OK?

But what he did do was find another selfless way to show that he cares, to put others before himself, and ultimately in doing that, make a difference that positively impacted the life of someone else.

This story proves that kindness makes a difference, and that each day we can find ways to do more for others.

Our world right now is full of so much uncertainty, concern and sadness – I urge you, this R U OK? Day, to be the light for someone who may be caught up in the darkness.

Back in June I delivered one of my Lived Experience presentations to a group of around 30 people in Launceston.

The talk was the last of 3 in different areas of the state for a peak building and construction industry association.

It was a Thursday night in June, it was cold and rainy, I had been on the road for 3 nights, and my morale was low. All I wanted to do was simply be at home with my family.

Working in mental health is one of the most rewarding spaces to work in. But there are also many days that throw me challenges as I constantly talk about the topic. I can feel a bit isolated and lonely in it at times… especially whilst on the road.

Little did I know that I was about to meet a man named Bill, and whilst he was going to cost me being able to watch the first half of the footy and 8pm room service, he was also going to share a story that I will never forget.

I had finished my presentation and was packing up (much quicker than usual). I was absolutely spent prior to starting my presentation, and by this stage I was becoming emotional and had nothing left in the tank to give. Some “alone time” was very much on my mind.

Suddenly there was Bill, standing in front of me with his hand outstretched for me to shake it as he introduced himself.

From the moment I looked into Bill’s eyes, it was almost like he knew I had other plans, nevertheless Bill was going to share his story with me regardless.

And into it he launched.

“I have a building business, and back in the early 90’s I had a couple of apprentices, all great young fellas who eventually spread their wings once they had their ticket (became qualified).

Around 2010 I got a call from one of them, Alex. He had left in about ‘95 and I hadn’t heard from him since as I think he moved interstate, so it had been about 15 years – give or take.

Alex rang and said he had suddenly moved back to Tasmania, and needed a job, and was asking could I take him on?

Now I had one or two staff and around that time, and work was quiet. I was already worried every day about how to keep these two blokes on, let alone adding another one into the mix.

But he was good to me back in the day Alex, so I said righto, start this Monday.

Alex joined me again for about 2 years, and every one of those days I stressed a little more because the reality is, I didn’t really have much for him to do. But life is all about feeling wanted, so I made him feel wanted and important each day and gave him jobs to do. And paid him accordingly.

He didn’t ever want to chat much Alex, very quiet, did his work, showed gratitude each day for this opportunity, and at knock off away he went.

At the end of about two years, he came to me and said thanks for having me, but I have another opportunity, and if it’s ok I’m off again.

We shook hands, wished each other well and he left, with again no contact for about another eight years.

In 2018 my phone rang, and it was Alex, asking me of all things for me to go to his wedding in three months’ time. Stunned at the question I said “of course, I will be there”.

So, 3 months later I’m attending this wedding with a girl I’d met recently, we knew no one aside from Alex, had never seen his bride before, drank a few beers and enjoyed the evening.

As we were leaving the guests all lined up so that Alex (the Groom) and his new wife could hug and kiss everyone as they departed at the end of the night.

When Alex and his wife got to us, I shook Alex’s hand, and he introduced me to his new wife.

She looked at me and immediately got emotional and asked if she could speak with me to the side of the room.

Thank you for being here and thank you for being such an amazing man she said to me.

You probably have no idea what you did for alex all those years ago. But he tells me, and people around him that he owes you so much because your generosity kept him alive all those years ago.

When he phoned you for work some time ago, he was in a really bad way. His long-term partner had left him, his mum had suicided, and his sister passed away to illness all in the space of 3 months.

He quite often says that if you had said no to him that day about work, he strongly believes he wouldn’t have had the courage to go on, because he was so lost and broken.

I thank you so much for keeping the man of my dreams alive, so that I could eventually meet him.

Bill finished his story by reiterating the importance of kindness, and never knowing when someone is having a tough time with the “black dog”.

I will always help people where I can because I know one day, I’ll need someone to help me”.

We don’t always know when our words or our kind gestures will make some one’s day, give them a sense of belonging, or create a spark of joy or hope for the future that was missing.

The ways we can help others aren’t just in our words and supportive conversations, they are in our willingness to connect and support through actions just like Bills.

Bill’s story really epitomises how one question, or an act of kindness can completely change someone’s life.

Let’s all start to look for a daily opportunity to look out for those in our community – let’s all be like Bill!

*Names of the people featured in this story have been changed.